Today was one of those days where you show up to work/log onto Twitter (which, for some of us unfortunate souls is the same thing) at 9 am and by 9:15 you just want to throw the whole day away. I know it was one of those days for me, and according to the rest of the Mary Sue slack and most of the internet, I wasn’t alone.

Today there was exactly one thing bringing me joy: This tweet.

being into straight men is surreal. one time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook so I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. with his bare hands. most insane thing I’ve ever witnessed

— sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) January 14, 2020

Okay, it wasn’t just that tweet. The responses were also hilarious–some by accident.

I- pic.twitter.com/cJLHojdwID

— sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) January 14, 2020

But mostly, it was other women sharing stories of cishet men being absolutely helpless in food-related spaces. The vast majority of these tweets were in no way mean spirited (not that you could tell by some of the responses from men in the thread), they were mostly just perplexed. (And okay, maybe sometimes kind of irritated.)

one time i asked my ex to make me a bagel bc i was hungover and he asked me how to make it fit in the toaster, so i told him to split it in half. this motherfucker cut it like this and tried to shove it in the toaster pic.twitter.com/JWa9ZnucT6

— 🧚🏻‍♀️ (@kaylamarino7) January 15, 2020

Friend bought 5 lbs of pork sausage. Used half in a sauce for pasta. Told husband to take the leftovers to work for lunch. He took the other half of raw sausage. And ate it all. And didn’t notice until she called and asked why he didn’t take his lunch (the pasta)

— Katie McKee (@Katharine_Mckee) January 15, 2020

I once asked my bf to open a jar of spaghetti sauce and when I turned around he was pouring it into the boiling pasta water

— Natalie Hess (@hess_natalie) January 15, 2020

Friend bought 5 lbs of pork sausage. Used half in a sauce for pasta. Told husband to take the leftovers to work for lunch. He took the other half of raw sausage. And ate it all. And didn’t notice until she called and asked why he didn’t take his lunch (the pasta)

— Katie McKee (@Katharine_Mckee) January 15, 2020

What exactly was so terrible about today that we needed to blow off that steam? Let’s see!

• It looks like Former US Ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch was being stalked by Republican operatives prior to her firing, including monitoring her phone and computer. (via Vox)
• More of Stephen Miller’s racist emails have been released. (via SPLC)
• Okay, let’s move on to better things. HBO has confirmed that Benioff & Weiss’ alt-reality slavery drama Confederate is no more. (via TV Line)
• In other HBO news:
  

  #WarnerMedia day at #TCA20 opens with news that Ronan Farrow is working with on a documentary about the threats and violence toward journalists reporting on government and corporate abuse. @HBO

  — Damian Holbrook (@damianholbrook) January 15, 2020

• Our Princess Weekes worked on this!
  
• Nancy Pelosi has named the House managers for the Senate impeachment trial. (via Politico)
• Joe Manganiello played D&D with kids at a children’s hospital in Pittsburgh. (via Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)
• Both Disney and the CW dropped trailers for two very different projects, both titled Stargirl. (via Uproxx)
• A dialect coach tries to break down Moira Rose’s accent on Schitt’s Creek. (via Elle)
• Here are a whole bunch of movies directed by women to look out for in 2020. (via Pajiba)

What did you all see out there today?

(image: Matthew Henry from Burst)
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