Viraldice

You're damn right I ordered Deadpool as number one on my list of the best movies of the 2010s and I would do it again! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

Is anyone surprised right now? I think not. I think the bigger surprise - and back-stabbing nonsense - is that all of my colleagues obviously either ranked Deadpool in the wrong spot of their Top 20 list or excluded it altogether, putting it at number 79 out of 100. I am outraged and looking into my options concerning pursuing litigation. (Seth, I know you're not really a lawyer, but I can't really pay, so I CHOOSE YOU TO REPRESENT ME.)

I suppose you want to know why Deadpool made number one on my list. To that I say, do you even know me? I've been pushing for a Deadpool movie on this very site for what feels like FOREVER. I watched the Guardians of the Galaxy get greenlit when one lead was a tree and the other an anthropomorphized raccoon, yet FOX maintained Deadpool was a gamble.

I jumped for joy when "leaked" footage sent the internet - and myself - into a frenzy, prompting FOX to finally move forward with the flick. I read an early script and then read it again. I waited for this movie for a very long time. I walked into the theater on opening night, fully engorged and ready for action. Before the final third of the movie ever began, I turned to my friend Jesse and told him we were seeing Deadpool again. That night. And we did.

The Deadpool movie gave me Ryan Reynolds in a role that he was honestly born to play. It also took the essence of the character and his origins and kept them intact while playing around with other aspects to make it work. The fourth wall was broken multiple times and in such a seamless, fantastic way. It was perfection (mostly) and the promotional campaigns for it and its sequel were like EXTRA MOVIE PARTY TIME all over the place.

My kid loved it. My mom loved it. Your mom loved it. Everyone lost their minds for the Merc with a Mouth and I've been swimming in Deadpool merch and goodies ever since. It was everything I wanted and needed it to be and I will always remember seeing it in the theater, watching it the second time in the theater, and then watching it for the third time in the theater. Then I'll remember showing it to my kid, then showing it to her again, and then showing it to her many more times.

Deadpool: It didn't top our list, but it did.

This piece is part of Pajiba's Favorite Movies of the 2010s series.

The latest episode of The Mandalorian on Disney+ was the best episode so far of the show that’s grabbed the public’s consciousness and continues to delight and enthrall audiences. The episode, titled “Chapter 4: Sanctuary,” not only expanded the Star Wars universe in new ways, but answered some burning questions we’ve had since the start of the series. Including the biggest one: how does the Mandalorian eat?

Seriously. Every since the series debuted and confirmed that Mandalorians never remove their helmets, I’ve been wondering how they get any sort of nutrition.  The answer, it turns out, is neither “through a secret hole somewhere” or “they exist on a liquid diet” but rather…they just eat in private.

I admit, this is kind of disappointing. Not because it’s sort of a retcon to say that instead of never taking off their helmets, Mandalorians never take off their helmets in front of others, but because it means that the makers of the show have the opportunity to show us Pedro Pascal’s beautiful face and don’t. Denying us the opportunity to gaze upon that perfection is a crime worthy of the Hutt.

I’m kidding (obviously). It’s very cool and powerful that the audience never sees Mando’s face, even though it’s right there. It places us in the same emotional spot as the other characters in the show: fascinated by this guy but kept at a distance. Instead of alienating the audience, the mask draws them in. And even with it, Pedro Pascal still manages to be pretty damn sexy.

The episode, directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, answered a few other questions we’ve had about the show and raised even more. It showed us that yes, there are women in this world with faces and real names, which is super cool to finally get to. Omera (Julia Jones) and Carra Dune (Gina Carano) are both great additions, and I really hope they weren’t one episode and done characters.

One question it didn’t answer: what do we call Baby Yoda instead of “Baby Yoda.” I get that Mando is the strong, silent type who might be fine just calling the little guy “kid” all the time. But the episode takes place over several weeks at least, and you’re telling me that no one in that village asked: “hey, Armor guy? What do we call your tiny green son?”

Again, I get it. It’s thematically appropriate that this sweet little yodle has no name when he’s in the custody of a man with no name and I assume that if either of them are ever given names or reveal their names, it will be a significant, parallel moment. But I still want to know what everyone else called him.

I also really would like to know if any farmers in the Star Wars universe have actual plant crops or if it’s all weird blue shrimp and “moisture.”

A huge question is of course: what comes next and what western or Kurosowa tropes will get going forward? We’ve already had shootouts that echo Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and this week’s installment was a direct homage to The Seven Samurai and The Magnificent Seven. I love how each episode is a self-contained adventure, but I do hope we see the many characters we’ve met so far again.

And then the final question, as always, is what baby Yoda memes will the next week bring and will they be able to top “baby Yoda sipping soup while his dad flirt-fights?” Because it’s already iconic.

Baby Yoda and his soup is the new sipping tea meme. I’ve said it. pic.twitter.com/pxPTd8kxEw

— Mando the Bounty Hunter (@AdoptedBabyYoda) November 29, 2019

We’ll just wait here, sipping our bone broth until it’s done.

The Mandalorian is available on Disney+ streaming with new episodes added on Fridays.

(Image: Disney/LucasFilm)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

It be dark and a little gloomy in Oregon these days, but Tori and Zach Roloff were recently hit with a ray of sunshine.

A Lilah Ray of sunshine, to be exact!

This is the name the beloved couple has given to its second child, who was born on November 19 and who is posing down below with her mother, father and totally adorable brother.

"So much to be thankful for this year! Happy thanksgiving from our family to yours!!" wrote Tori as a caption to this new family photo, which features her and her loved ones gathered around a fireplace.

As you can see, it looks like they're ready for a visit from Santa already.

The Little People, Big World stars welcomed Lilah two weeks ago, with Tori confirming her daughter's arrival as follows:

Zach and I are so excited to introduce you to our sweet baby girl Lilah. She has been the perfect addition to our family!

She also provided fans with a few details, such as:

Lilah was born at 6:52 p.m., weighing 8 pounds 9 ounces and measuring 18 1/2 inches long at the time.

Yes, she has achondroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism and the same condition that afflicts her dad and her grandparents.

Tori has not yet announced this diagnosis, but Amy Roloff actually appeared to let the secret slip a little while ago and Lilah's appearance does seem to confirm the condition.

But no matter, of course.

Zach knows from personal experience what it's like to be a dwarf and has remarked in the past how it affected him when he was a lot younger and how this will impact his parenting going forward.

“I grew up with the name-calling,” Roloff said in a feature piece People Magazine after Jackson was born, adding:

"I look at my childhood and being a boy on the farm, it was a little tough because boys are very alpha-doggy and follow the pack.

"I was always chasing the back and way behind the pack. It was tough."

The result, Zach said back the, iss that “you have to encourage a dwarf child a little more because it will take them five steps to do what others can do in two."

Added Zach at that time, in a sentiment we're sure he'd echo now:

"We’ll hope to just give him a healthy, happy life and support him in every way.

"He can experience as much as the world as Tori and me have been able to and hopefully much more."

The Roloffs, meanwhile, aren't done celebrating pretty huge life news;

Audrey and Jeremy will welcome their own second child into the world in just over a month, while Amy Roloff has a wedding to plan to Chris Marek. 

Exciting times now and exciting times ahead!

Many of you haven't thought of the United States Women's National Team since they won the world cup, but for some of us, the dance never ended. FIFA just published the viewership numbers which showed that more than a billion people watched with Women's World Cup.

If you happened to miss the World Cup, you can see highlights here:

Man, I get misty just watching the highlights of some of those games. USA vs Spain. USA vs France. USA vs England. Nailbiters all.

I've followed sports teams and franchises in one way or another since I was but a wee lad, but never in my life have I loved a team more. Any team in any sport. The USWNT is precious. To me, in a sporting world of cheaters and dopers and thugs and crooks and irritating egos, they feel like the one great thing out there. They are the foil to all the awful things happening in the world. Through them, noble messages of tenacity and toughness and team spirit run counter to the parts of society that feel broken and unhealthy. Through them themes of equal pay and gay rights are trumpeted from the highest peaks. But equal to their accomplishments, equal to the drive and the discipline and the might are pretty much the funniest, most personable, most lovable and most devoted people you could ever follow en masse.

And follow them I do.

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DAY 2: idols taking selfies #uswnt #tobinheath #ashlynharris #carlilloyd #alikrieger #crystaldunn #christenpress #meganrapinoe #lindseyhoran #malpugh #mallorypugh #sydneyleroux #sydneylerouxdwyer #abbywambach #soccer #ussoccer #womenssoccer

A post shared by USWNT Fan Account (@uswntwarriors) on Nov 2, 2019 at 12:36pm PDT

The saga of the Women's World Cup was a real place of bonding for my 14 year old daughter and I and we enjoyed that so much that we just sort of kept going with it. We missed the games and so we jumped in to whatever content the women of the USWNT were posting. Game shows, scare videos, interviews, or merely their cackling propensity to kick over each other's rolling suitcases to the non-wheel side. We soaked it all up.

And they're a delight. How? I don't know. I don't know how you put this many marvelous people in the same place and it doesn't lead to friction. But rather than allowing themselves to get testy with each other, what they instead exemplify is inclusion and kindness and bravery. Time after time, they raise each other up instead of tearing each other down. When's the last time you could say that about a workplace?

So where are we? Let's catch up with the team as a whole, first.

CATCHING UP

When most of us last saw our ladies they were the toast of the country, a parade in New York, awards shows, morning shows, and the like. They were giddy with their World Cup win. It was all sort of a dream.

But shortly thereafter, they had to get back to paying the bills, which meant returning to their club teams in the National Women's Soccer League. That, for fans like me, was a bit of a bummer, because instead of seeing our women playing together, now they played against each other. Gah. Torture.

But seeing that level of play was informative as well, because on every team, you can see how the women of the USWNT stand out. They're clearly exceptional.

In fact, when the final NWSL season awards were tallied, USWNT players racked up nine of the eleven positions. Only Australian superstar Sam Kerr and Goalie Aubrey Bledsoe weren't on the team. (But more on Bledsoe in a minute...)

🛑🛑🛑@AubreyBledsoe led the league in saves with 86 and was second in shutouts with nine and is the 2019 #NWSL Goalkeeper of the Year. pic.twitter.com/KzZR0LMI9p

— NWSL (@NWSL) November 1, 2019

Ultimately, the North Carolina Courage won the NWSL title for a second straight year. You can watch the whole game here. (I recommend at least watching the first few minutes and the last few of the award ceremony -- Note the NWSL site has been really broken for the last week or so, but check back once they fix it).

The NWSL is in its relative infancy (founded in 2012) and features only nine teams at present with a tenth on the way for next season, but if you love these players, try to catch a game in your area. Someday we'll look back at championship games like this one, with an attendance of only 10,000 and find it quaint. Someday, this sport will be much, much bigger. And where else can you see the best players in the world this close? While most of this piece is about the American players, you can't discount foreign players who grace the NWSL. The MVP of the championship game, for example, was Brazil's Debinha, who might be the most dominant force in the women's game. She's unreal.

That game also marked the final professional match for legendary US player Heather O' Reilly, who hung up her spurs after seventeen years of professional play.

O'Reilly leaves the sport with two NCAA championships, three NWSL championships, three Olympic Gold Medals and one World Cup Championship. What a career.

COACHING CHANGE

Probably the biggest piece of news about the women's team since the World Cup is the retirement of coach Jill Ellis. She left on top, which is the best way to do it, as one of the winningest coaches in football history.

Her replacement was viewed by just about everyone as the next logical choice. But he's a man! GASP. I know! Czech-born Vlatko Andonovski has taken the reins of the USWNT and all I've heard so far is praise.

That was interesting to me because I didn't see much of a ripple at all when Jill Ellis left. I expected a little more friction from the women on the team, but all I've heard is gushing praise for Vlatko. Superstar Tobin Heath said that he's already got her seeing the game "in a whole new light" which is shocking because she's practically unstoppable already.

Vlatko is known as old school, but has a reputation for building positive environments and thinking as a players-first kind of leader. He's well liked by all of his former players and spoken of very highly in soccer circles. He's an NWSL two time coach of the year. And his stated goal is to really scour the soccer world for the best players, not only the professional ranks, but every college as well. This is a fairly looming concern as 12 members of the national team are age 30 or older.

On the field, he's known as a tactician and sort of a player guru. He helped revitalize the careers of many players on the USWNT, including Becky Sauerbrunn and Ali Long. A former professional footballer himself, he's known for pushing his teams to play "more sophisticated" soccer. Which basically means that he wants to build out from a predictable midfield center and focus on constant offensive pressure. And he isn't hell bent about his defenders being offensive minded, so that opens the player pool up a bit more than it has been in the past few years.

And lastly, certain players will become more regular. With superstar Alex Morgan on maternity leave...(yes that's right) 37 year old Carli Lloyd will have the first shot at center forward. Lloyd was uber classy about being a substitute on the World Cup Roster behind Morgan, but she's very direct when asked about it. She thinks she's the best in the world still and deserves to start. If you watch her play, honestly, it's hard to disagree with her. Also, NWSL goal scoring superstar Lynn Williams, who couldn't seem to crack the forwards under Ellis, will likely be more of a featured player, which is great because she's siiiiick.

And there will likely be more of an open competition at Keeper, which is good because Ashlyn Harris and Aubrey Bledsoe are both en fuego.

THE OLYMPIC ROSTER

The first mission for Vlatko was to announce the preliminary Olympic roster. The Olympic roster can be difficult for players because the Olympic team is smaller than the World Cup squad. But I liked what Vlatko did right out of the gate. These are the players that have been invited to camp and from here Vlatko will have to pick 18 on-field players rather than the 23 allowed for the WC.

GOALKEEPERS (4): Aubrey Bledsoe (Washington Spirit; 0/0), Adrianna Franch (Portland Thorns FC; 3/0), Ashlyn Harris (Orlando Pride; 23/0), Alyssa Naeher (Chicago Red Stars; 56/0)

DEFENDERS (6): Alana Cook (Paris Saint-Germain/FRA; 0/0), Abby Dahlkemper (NC Courage; 52/0), Imani Dorsey (Sky Blue FC; 0/0), Becky Sauerbrunn (Utah Royals FC; 169/0), Casey Short (Chicago Red Stars; 30/0), Emily Sonnett (Portland Thorns FC; 38/0)

MIDFIELDERS (7): Morgan Brian (Chicago Red Stars; 86/7), Julie Ertz (Chicago Red Stars; 93/19), Lindsey Horan (Portland Thorns FC; 77/12), Rose Lavelle (Washington Spirit; 36/10), Allie Long (Reign FC; 50/8), Samantha Mewis (NC Courage; 59/14), Andi Sullivan (Washington Spirit; 13/0)

FORWARDS (7): Tobin Heath (Portland Thorns FC; 160/32), Carli Lloyd (Sky Blue FC; 286/118), Jessica McDonald (NC Courage; 13/2), Christen Press (Utah Royals FC; 128/49), Mallory Pugh (Washington Spirit; 60/18), Margaret Purce (Portland Thorns FC; 0/0), Lynn Williams (North Carolina Courage; 19/4)

This opening roster showed that the team was expanding a little to include some players that had not made the World Cup squad. While watching the NWSL this season I kept commenting to my daughter how great Washington Spirit goalkeeper Aubrey Bledsoe looked. And Lo! She ended up winning goalkeeper of the year and making the Olympic roster. New blood is a good thing. Competition is a good thing for athletes. Players need to constantly have someone nipping at their heels to keep bringing their A game.

If you look at the roster, you'll see two numbers after each player's name. The first number is CAPS, which is the jargon for international games played. The second is international goals scored.

So anyone with 0/ is new blood. Bledsoe, Cook, Dorsey, and Purce are all looking for their first cap.

THE FRIENDLIES

Last week the US team played perennial rival Sweden in Vlatko's first match as head coach and they picked up right where they left off. With Alex Morgan out indefinitely, Carli Lloyd got her chance to shine and she looked like a world beater. Christen Press took over right away, feeding Carli Llord for the first goal and scoring the second one all by herself. The third goal by Carli Lloyd, a live action chip over Sweden's keeper, is about as beautiful as it gets. The touch is insane. Straight up insane. It was 3-0 USA at halftime. Then the subs came in and it all fell apart a little. The best thing about friendlies is assessing your talent against the best in the world. The best part of the US team was watching subbed out vets like Press and Heath and Ertz making fun of their teammates as the game came crashing down without them on the field. The match finished 3-2 but the US was lucky to get out alive. The Swedish team kept pouring it on, and god I love that Swedish team. (My dad is half Swedish so there's skin in the game for me). It was so nice to see Sofia Jakobssen and Kosse Aslani and Stina Blackstenius and Hannah Glas and Caroline Seger and Lina Hurtig and Nilla Fischer. It's a joke in our family how much we love goalkeeper Hedvig Lindahl. She's awesome.

In the end, Vlatko gets his first win and the US gets the best wake up call of them all, one where you still come away with the victory.

Last weekend the US played Costa Rica, captained by former NCAA star Rocky Rodruigez and it was a different level of play altogether. The USA was dominant, scoring nearly at will.

The game ended up 6-0 but it could have been much worse.

UPCOMING

The dates have now been announced for the upcoming CONCACAF Olympic qualifying tournament teams and and match locations

Group A (matches played at BBVA Stadium in Houston, TX)

A1: USA
A2: Costa Rica
A3: Panama
A4: Haiti

Group B (matches played at HEB Park in Edinburg, TX)

B1: Canada
B2: Mexico
B3: Jamaica
B4: Saint Kitts and Nevis

OFFICIAL SCHEDULE

Tuesday, January 28, 2020 - BBVA Stadium, Houston, TX
Costa Rica vs Panama
USA vs Haiti

Wednesday, January 29, 2020 - HEB Park, Edinburg, TX
Mexico vs Jamaica
Canada vs Saint Kitts and Nevis

Friday, January 31, 2020 - BBVA Stadium, Houston, TX
Haiti vs Costa Rica
Panama vs USA

Saturday, February 1, 2020 - HEB Park, Edinburg, TX
Saint Kitts and Nevis vs Mexico
Jamaica vs Canada

Monday, February 3, 2020 - BBVA Stadium, Houston, TX
Panama vs Haiti
USA vs Costa Rica

Tuesday, February 4, 2020 - HEB Park, Edinburg, TX
Jamaica vs Saint Kitts and Nevis
Canada vs Mexico

Friday, February 7, 2020 - Dignity Health Sports Park, Los Angeles, CA
SF1: 1B vs 2A
SF2: 1A vs 2B

Sunday, February 9, 2020 - Dignity Health Sports Park, Los Angeles, CA
F: Winner SF1 vs Winner SF2

A LOOK TO THE FUTURE

This may very well be the face of American soccer in the future. Born in Brazil, Caterina Macario moved to the US at age 12 and now plays for Stanford. An absolute soccer phenom, she's the reigning NCAA Mac Hermann Trophy winner.

Word is that she's filed papers with FIFA to be able to play for the USA but unless there's some sort of exemption, the 20 year old won't get to suit up for the USWNT until 2021. AGHHHH.

But when she does? Look out. Macario is an unstoppable striker who would already be among the best players in the world if citizenship wasn't a barrier. Waiting for her is a bit like waiting for Michael Jordan. Despite many overtures from the Brazilian national team, Macario has said that she wants to follow in the footsteps of her idol Mia Hamm. So I say, once again, and probably not for the last time, thank god for Mia Hamm.

That's where we stand with the team! It's going to be a dark few months as winter comes on and soccer games disappear. In the meantime, enjoy this YouTuber who might be the only person who adores Christen Press as much as my daughter and I do. She has (currently) 16 five-ish minute long videos on her channel which are all a treat. Enjoy!

Warning: Lots of colorful language and very NSFW right off the bat!

THE SUPERSTARS THEMSELVES

Now let's take a look at the players, so you can get to know them as well as their fans do.

Megan Rapinoe

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Omg this is so damm funny 😂😂💫💫⚽️⚽️@Uswnt #uswnt

A post shared by Uswnt._.fanpage13 (@uswnt._.fanpage13) on Sep 9, 2019 at 10:39pm PDT

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Big Megan Energy ✨ #uswnt #fdt

A post shared by WILDFANG (@wearewildfang) on Jun 25, 2019 at 3:58pm PDT

On-field:

She's currently a member of Reign FC out of Tacoma, Washington.
One of the best players in the world, playing at a ridiculously high level so late in her career

Off-field:

She's a twin with her fraternal twin sister Rachael.
Her girlfriend is WNBA star Sue Bird.
She's touring and doing interviews and in the spotlight like crazy. The biggest breakout crossover star of the World Cup, she views herself as an 'entertainer' more than even a soccer player these days.
She started clothing company Re-Inc with fellow players Christen Press, Tobin Heath and Meghan Klingenberg

Alex Morgan

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- - - - - - - - - - #uswnt #meganrapinoe #incorrectquotes #tobinheath #preath #christenpress #alexmorgan #kelleyohara #emilysonnett #lindseyhoran #roselavelle #malpugh #allielong #ashlynharris #alikrieger #sammewis #worldcup #football #soccer #uswntmeme #incorrectuswnt #timesup #feminism #wlwmemes #wlw #lesbianmemes

A post shared by Uswnt on Crack (@uswntoncrack) on Nov 11, 2019 at 12:45pm PST

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this video made me tear up sm, i love alex 😢 • • • • #alexmorgan #uswnt #orlandopride #sweetvideo #throwback #am13 #tears #uswntplayer #olympics #wwc #nike #nikeathlete #inspiring #rolemodel #dream #dreamcometrue #cutevideo #soccer #woso #nwsl #california #13 #team #crying #oldvideo #orlando #pride #foward #nikesponsered

A post shared by @ uswntjitts on Sep 6, 2019 at 3:21pm PDT

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Lmao 💯

A post shared by Baby horse (@alexownsme13) on Jul 2, 2019 at 4:59pm PDT

On-field:

Wasn't playing for her NWSL team Orlando Pride because of a 'knee injury'
Crazy aggressive player who is a natural goal scorer and one of the true snipers on the planet

Off-field

Just told the world that she is pregnant with a baby girl that is due in April
Planning to have her baby and then riiiiiiide to Japan to play in the Olympics
Enjoying life with her husband Servando Carrasco and going on bike rides on the beach
Her best friends are Kelly O' Hara & Allie Long
Alex Calls Kelly "Wormy"

Tobin Heath

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Tobin ☺️ • • • • . . . . . @alexmorgan13 @christenpress @emilysonnett @alikrieger @tobinheath @tierna_davidson @mrapinoe @lindseyhoran10 @reeba04 @lavellerose @malpugh @afranch23 @uswntplayers @kelleyohara @alyssanaeher @moebrian @sammymewyy @abbydahlkemper @carlilloyd @jmac1422 @allie_long_ @julieertz @cdunn19 . . . . . #emilysonnett #uswnt #christenpress #christenpress23 #christenpressfanpage #press23 #nwsl #tobinheath #preathisreal #kellyohara #fifa #carlilloyd #carlilloyd . . . . . . #emilysonnett #uswnt #christenpress #christenpress23 #christenpressfanpage #press23 #preathisreal #preath #tobinheath #tobintuesday #uswnt #uswntsoccer #uswntparade #alikrieger #ashlynharris #ashlynharris24 #lindseyhoran #worldcup2019 #worldcup #tobintuesday

A post shared by USWNT (@uswnt_spam) on Aug 30, 2019 at 5:45am PDT

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something to cheer us up. #tobinheath #uswnt #nwsl #soccer #skill #portlandthorns

A post shared by tobes (@toby_heath17) on Sep 14, 2019 at 9:00am PDT

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♥️♥️ ~ ~ ~ #christenpress #press #preath #tobinheath #heath #soccer #womenssoccer #womensfootball #football #uswnt #usasoccer #usawomenssoccer #usa #usaswe #sweusa #soccerplayer #footballplayer #tobinpress23 #christenpress23 #tobinheath17 #repost #fanaccount

A post shared by Fanaccount🏳️‍🌈 (@tobinpress23) on Nov 9, 2019 at 3:42am PST

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awww (I don't own this photo) credit- @drive_x_strike #uswnt #christenpress #tobinheath #preath #preathisreal

A post shared by Hartley O'Conner (@hartleyoconnor18) on Nov 8, 2019 at 7:34am PST

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9.6.19 This shits cute. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • #abbywambach #tobinheath #christenpress #alexmorgan #kelleyohara #uswnt #hopesolo #alikrieger #juliejohnston #julieeartz #ashlynharris #meganklingenberg #meganrapinoe #lindseyhoran #malpugh #roselavelle #nwsl #portlandthornsfc #uswnt #wwc #wwc2019 #allielong#alyssanaeher #crystaldunn #moebrian

A post shared by 𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐊𝐢𝐝 @ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 🌹 (@kelleyoheath) on Sep 6, 2019 at 9:30pm PDT

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SO NO ONE IS GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS ??? ❤️❤️ • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • #tobinheath #christenpress #nswl #soccer #fifa19 #womenssoccer #women #womenempowerment #womensworldcup #uswnt #football #malpugh #lindsayhoran #abbydahlkemper #beckysauerbrunn #emilysonnett #preathisreal #preath #adriannafranch #roselavelle #meganrapinoe #carlilloyd #socceredits #soccerskills #footwork #uswnt #re-inc #utahroyalsfc #portlandthornsfc #tobintuesday #beastmodesoccer

A post shared by | fan account⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| (@teampreath) on Sep 5, 2019 at 7:21am PDT

On-field

Plays for Portland Thorns (my favorite other than Orlando)
Has possibly the sweetest feet in the game. I saw her kick a pass with the outside of her right foot to spin a through-shot to a teammate and curl it around a defender while running full speed.
Unselfish to a fault. Doesn't shoot. SHOOT THE BALL TOBS!

Off-field

One half of PREATH. This is the group of rabid fans who ship her and international beauty Christen Press. There are subreddits of Preath. There are twitter and instagram accounts. People on the Preath bandwagon are sure that they're more than best friends.
Re inc founder
Lives in Portland, OR (with Pressy?)
JUST CONFIRMED IN AFRICA ON SAFARI WITH PRESSY (And wearing Pressy's number on her hat while Pressy was wearing Tobin's # on her shorts...)

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Baecation looks good on them 😍👌🏼 . . . #christenpress #cp23 #tobinheath #th17 #baecation #preath #southafrica #safari #23 #nwsl #uswnt #utahroyals #portlandthorns #reinc #meganrapinoe #meghanklingenberg #demguns #malabeads #love

A post shared by Preath (@prettypressy1797) on Nov 16, 2019 at 8:18am PST

Christen Press

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𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚞𝚕, 𝙸 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 💛🌻 ||• #christenpress #christenpress23 #23 #uswnt #nwsl #utahroyalsfc #worldcup

A post shared by 𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 (@cpressii) on Aug 20, 2019 at 4:49pm PDT

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Maaaaajor Erin Brockovich vibes happening here - The judge overseeing the USWNT's discrimination case against US Soccer granted the team ✨class status✨ which is a bfd because the lawsuit can now include any player called up to training camp since 2015. . Judge Klausner also gave some hints to where his head is at on the dispute by affirming the women were paid less on a per game basis and had lesser working conditions than the USMNT (like how US Soccer chartered 17 flights for the men's team in 2017 while the women's team was stuck in coach) . Judge Klausner also threw out US Soccer's *ABSURD* (his word not mine) claim that there was no discrimination since some top USWNT players outearned USMNT players....because the women had to do twice the amount of work to earn it. Typical. This is not the final ruling (the actual trial is in May) but it's a good ass sign and will likely be the #motivation US Soccer needed to work out a settlement deal with the team. . . . #USWNT #WomensSoccer #woso #MeganRapinoe #AlexMorgan #CarliLloyd #TimesUp #TimesUpNow #Equalpay #Equality #ChristenPress #TobinHeath #AliKreiger #AshlynHarris #AllieLong #EmilySonnett #KelleyOhara #MalPugh #USSoccer #Preath #Krashlyn #NikeSoccer #JulieErtz #CaseyShort #RoseLavelle #LindseyHoran #Feminist #WildFeminist #FutureMillionHeirs

A post shared by @ futuremillionheirs on Nov 13, 2019 at 2:01pm PST

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some of my favorite moments from the game :) christen faking the corner and tobin almost scoring - - - - - #tobsxheath #tobinheath #uswnt #soccer #fifa #nwsl #woso #portlandthorns #throwback #thornsfc #ptfc #th17 #tobintuesday #worldcup #christenpress

A post shared by tobin heath // 17 (@tobsxheath) on Nov 11, 2019 at 11:14am PST

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𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑡

A post shared by support your local NWSL team (@christen.ohara) on Nov 10, 2019 at 8:09pm PST

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feeling a preath today so im glad these 2 lovely ladies exist in the world🥰❤️💙⚽️ #preath

A post shared by USWNT (@uswnt.oneteam) on Oct 19, 2019 at 7:14am PDT

On-field

Just got her 50th international goal for the US
Slays for Utah Royals
Has the best goal celebration (other than Pinoe)
Always smiling
Maybe the face of US soccer for the next half decade and the sport's next goal scoring phenom

Off-field

The other half of PREATH.
Re inc founder
A Stanford graduate, she has a fierce intellect. Sadly, her personal blog, written by her, hasn't been updated since 2015, but when you read it (pre-World Cup) and see her hopes and dreams of winning a World Cup? It's pretty amazing.
Her outer loveliness is only superseded by her inner loveliness. After one game, a girl in the stands asked her to sign something for her and Pressy said hang on. She ran and got her coat, took off her game jersey under it, signed it and gave it to the little girl.
You will almost never catch her not smiling.

Emily "Saucy" Sonnett

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I've shaped my life's work around becoming a meme- all it took was getting punched in the face

A post shared by Emily Sonnett (@emilysonnett) on Aug 24, 2019 at 1:24pm PDT

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Some videos of our favorite dancer @emilysonnett - - - #uswnt #nwsl #uswntsoccer #soccer #womenssoccer #emilysonnett #dance #justdance #fun #team #usa #gitdown #cowboyboogie #lovepartner #thegitup #thegitupchallenge #gitup #gitupchallenge

A post shared by USWNTandMORE (@my_girls_uswnt) on Aug 31, 2019 at 3:00pm PDT

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This content is gold bitch • • • • . . . . . @alexmorgan13 @christenpress @emilysonnett @alikrieger @tobinheath @tierna_davidson @mrapinoe @lindseyhoran10 @reeba04 @lavellerose @malpugh @afranch23 @uswntplayers @kelleyohara @alyssanaeher @moebrian @sammymewyy @abbydahlkemper @carlilloyd @jmac1422 @allie_long_ @julieertz @cdunn19 . . . . . #emilysonnett #uswnt #christenpress #christenpress23 #christenpressfanpage #press23 #nwsl #tobinheath #preathisreal #kellyohara #fifa #carlilloyd #carlilloyd . . . . . . #emilysonnett #uswnt #christenpress #christenpress23 #christenpressfanpage #press23 #preathisreal #preath #tobinheath #tobintuesday #uswnt #uswntsoccer #uswntparade #alikrieger #ashlynharris #ashlynharris24 #lindseyhoran #worldcup2019 #worldcup #tobintuesday

A post shared by USWNT (@uswnt_spam) on Aug 28, 2019 at 3:49pm PDT

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no no💃🏻🕺🏽#emilysonnett #allielong #uswnt #soccer #football #campcontent #training

A post shared by worms and janice🐛 (@abbydahlkemperstan) on Nov 5, 2019 at 8:43am PST

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Who's more crazy: Kelley or Sonnett 😂?? Oh and sorry Instagram ruined some of the quality.

A post shared by USWNT (@memeswithuswnt) on Sep 21, 2019 at 9:44am PDT

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9.12.19 Here's Emily forcing Tobin to give her a high five after a rough game. [ 📷 wosoisgay on tumblr. ] • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • #abbywambach #tobinheath #christenpress #alexmorgan #kelleyohara #uswnt #hopesolo #alikrieger #juliejohnston #julieeartz #ashlynharris #meganklingenberg #meganrapinoe #lindseyhoran #malpugh #roselavelle #nwsl #portlandthornsfc #uswnt #wwc #wwc2019 #allielong#alyssanaeher #crystaldunn #moebrian

A post shared by 𝐏𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐊𝐢𝐝 @ 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 🌹 (@kelleyoheath) on Sep 12, 2019 at 7:43pm PDT

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That was jus fucked up Rodriguez screaming at sonnet's face 🙄butt angry Lindsey and angry Tobs came and rescue her 😂❤️#preath #preathisreal #lindseyhoran #tobinheath #christenpress #amyrodriguez

A post shared by 📸🇺🇸🐐❤️ (@_17preath23_) on Sep 7, 2019 at 7:23am PDT

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her face I can't! I love sonny w my whole heart - creds to klleyoharas on tumblr - #emilysonnett #utahroyalsfc #portlandthorns #nwsl #uswnt

A post shared by ali krieger is a god (@kriegydaily) on Sep 7, 2019 at 7:16am PDT

On-field

Super aggressive defender
Has a knack for yanking people over and then looking around like she has no idea what happened.
And equal opportunity enforcer, she also pulled Pressy down in one game vs The Royals, but set her down gently.
Has been playing super high (down the field towards the opponent's goal) lately
Plays for Portland Thorns

Off-field

Sonny may very well be the heart of the US Team. She's relatively unknown compared to many of the bigger names on the team, but she's insanely popular with die hard fans and her teammates. It's a little nuts how much we love Sonny.
Troublemaker.
Known as the "third wheel" in every best friend group.
Cackles on the reg
Hung out with Kelly O'Hara for like a week and posted everything on Instagram
Great dancer
Makes memes like a pro
No one but sports announcers call her 'Emily'.

Mal Pugh

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"I'm 21!" 😂 The @uswnt's parade is underway in NYC and it's already lit!

A post shared by SportsCenter (@sportscenter) on Jul 10, 2019 at 6:40am PDT

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bigggggg fans of the hoodies and of course @flyprvt

A post shared by Mallory Pugh (@malpugh) on Aug 30, 2019 at 11:06am PDT

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Who else wants to recreate this with me??

A post shared by USWNT (@memeswithuswnt) on Sep 14, 2019 at 10:24am PDT

On-field

Plays for Washington Spirit
Amazing Goals
Loves to hug people after she scores

Off-field

Jokes that she's always eating
Her best friend is Lindsay Horan. They have a language where they go Meep meep at each other.
Super goofy
Boyfriend is Atlanta Braves shortstop Dansby Swanson

Lindsey Horan

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The Great Horan and CP23 👸🏼👸🏽

A post shared by U.S. Soccer WNT (@uswnt) on Sep 3, 2019 at 7:11pm PDT

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oh lindsey😂 @lindseyhoran10 #equalplayequalpay

A post shared by ⚽️♥️ (@uswnt.8) on Aug 10, 2019 at 3:52pm PDT

On-field

Plays for Portland Thorns
Is a brick wall
Dominant two-way midfielder

Off-field

One of her old coaches body shamed her and she just came out about it
Her best friend is Mal Pugh
Loves flipping suitcases (check insta)

Carli Lloyd

On-field

Started playing before video was in HD
Literally one of the best players on the team, in the country and in the world
She really wanted more playing time in the World Cup but stayed classy throughout
Amazing goal scorer
Plays for Sky Blue FC

Off-field

Married
Always pushing her body
Takes a 15 minute ice bath after every practice no matter what
Prides herself on her level of fitness
Confident
Very intelligent
Kicked a football field goal 55 yards for NFL teams in practice
The "mom" of the team. She doesn't get involved with all the silly nonsense of the younger players and does all the honorary stuff like presenting balls to new cappers.

Shoutout first cappers ‼️@100Purcent x @whatz_Cookin pic.twitter.com/qhHZi6q0cY

— U.S. Soccer WNT (@USWNT) November 11, 2019

Sam Mewis

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Sry for being inactive. I've been busy with school and friends and all! I promise I'll be more active ° ° ° ° #mewis #sammewis #uswnt #roselavelle #emilysonnett #Lindseyhoran #malpugh #mallorypugh #ashlynharris #alikrieger #alexmorgan #allielong #kelleyohara #fun #USWNT #nwsl #woso #EqualPay #fourstars #cute #womensoccer #bff #bitches #bestbitches #northcarolinacourage #WashingtonSpirit #portlandthorns #ptfc #USWNT23

A post shared by Sonnett._harris (@i_love._sonnett) on Oct 12, 2019 at 7:34am PDT

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Happy birthday @sammymewyy thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter to everyone ⚽️ #uswnt #tobinheath #alexmorgan #meganrapinoe #christenpress #soccer #ashlynharris #kelleyohara #allielong #alikrieger #sammewis #roselavelle #lindseyhoran #crystaldunn #nwsl #carlilloyd #julieertz #emilysonnett #malpugh #adriannafranch #alyssanaeher #wwc #ussoccer #beckysauerbrunn #worldcup #mallorypugh #usa #uswntsoccer

A post shared by USWNT ⚽️ (@4starsuswnt) on Oct 9, 2019 at 8:07am PDT

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Wishing the happiest birthday to this cutie @sammymewyy 🎂bless @ashlynharris24 for this content 😂 . . . . . . #sammewis #uswnt #uswntedit #uswntsoccer #uswntmemes #uswntedits #uswnt🇺🇸 #uswntplayers #uswntfunny #wordcup #womensworldcup #worldchampionship #champion #womensoccer #soccer #ashlynharris

A post shared by I am soccer ⚽️ (@uswntxnwsl) on Oct 9, 2019 at 10:50am PDT

On-field

Sam is 6'0" tall
Confident and amazing at soccer
In fact, statistical analysis shows that she was the best player from any team in the World Cup.
In 2018 she took a 'Soccer I.Q.' test and placed in the top 1% in the world for both men and women.
Plays for North Carolina Courage who won the playoffs
Rose Lavelle is her best friend

Off-field

Just had a birthday recently (hilarious picture on insta)
Super fun and goofy
LOVES TO READ

Ali Krieger

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My edit, this is my first time to do something like that, I hope you like it 💜 If you think this is too bad, please tell me the truth! Thank you guys! #ashlynharris #alikrieger #krashlyn #orlandopride #uswnt

A post shared by FANPAGE (@akahmemes) on Sep 25, 2019 at 9:53am PDT

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She very busy.. leave a message. #kriegergotakeeper

A post shared by Ali Krieger (@alikrieger) on Nov 1, 2019 at 7:36pm PDT

On-field

Gets pissed when people don't follow her directions
Plays for Orlando but is out right now for knee surgery
Fierce defender
Ash accidently kicked her and they had a hilarious feud on twitter

Off-field

One half of KRASHLYN, her ship name with fiance Ashlyn Harris
How popular is KRASHLYN? Well, they just landed their own television show called 'Girlstar' on HBO!
Getting married in December to Ashlyn Harris
Ashlyn is so popular that sometimes fans don't recognize her and ask her to take pictures of them and Ash
Always moving - always at a gala or helping people
Her and Ash are partnered with Tag Heuer #DontCrackUnderPressure

Rose Lavelle

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rose and her gummies😂 @lavellerose #equalplayequalpay

A post shared by ⚽️♥️ (@uswnt.8) on Aug 21, 2019 at 4:16pm PDT

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Rose Lavelle appreciation post we LOVEE her 🌹👏🏼 • • • • • • #roselavelle #washingtonspirit #uswnt #funnyvideo #dancing #favoriteplayer #fifawwc #uswntplayer #uswntvideo #4stars #champion #goalscorer #dancingvideo #soccerplayer #soccer #rose #lavelle #cincinnati #throwback #cooking #thespirit #rolemodel

A post shared by @ uswntjitts on Sep 13, 2019 at 2:19pm PDT

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LiNdSeY!!! ~ rose #lindseyhoran #roselavelle #uswnt #scare #football #soccer #roombuddies

A post shared by worms and janice🐛 (@abbydahlkemperstan) on Nov 3, 2019 at 1:05pm PST

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They're actually hilarious when they suddenly become like children 😂 (second slide). Oh and the last slide.. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K!!! I AM SO GLAD I'M PUTTING A SMILE ON 1,000 FACES!!!! As you can see I did an edit! But a lot of you have been saying I should meet a player and in fact, I got tickets to an Orlando Pride vs Sky blue game this weekend! Not only that but I will most likely be going to the game on October 6 of the uswnt vs Korea and I'm thinking of doing something that I think will be really cool. Stay tuned!

A post shared by USWNT (@memeswithuswnt) on Sep 25, 2019 at 4:36am PDT

On-field

Rose has a chance to be the single best player in the entire world. That's the kind of talent she has. She can do it all and makes it look effortless. With a little more confidence she'll get there.
Plays for Washington Spirit

Off-field
Hails from Cincinnatti
Loves inspiring little girls
Her best friend is Sam Mewis

Abby Dahlkemper

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Time to laugh😂❤ #uswnt 📽from @jmac1422 story

A post shared by AND THAT'S THE TEA🐸 (@snipermorgan13) on Aug 30, 2019 at 8:01am PDT

On-field

Amazing defender
A forceful player who is fearless in scrums and never seems to make mental errors
Plays for North Carolina Courage

Off-field

Super nice
Tough on herself
Little story: my daughter flew to the NWSL championship game with a friend and was hoping to get an autograph but she's not really a push-to-the-front-of-the-crowd kind of person. Abby Dahlkemper saw her away from the crowd a little and came up to her in the stands and asked if she wanted a picture. Made my daughter's day. What a jewel Abby is.

Becky Sauerbrunn

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A goal fit for a 👑 #UTAvPOR #NWSL

A post shared by National Women's Soccer League (@nwsl) on Sep 6, 2019 at 7:37pm PDT

On-field

Amazing defender
Plays for Utah Royals
A warrior

Off-field

Loves cats
Super demanding on herself
bright and articulate
Avid reader
self described "nerd"
Video gamer

Jessica McDonald

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Not too bad of a year, kid. Not too bad.....

A post shared by Jessica McDonald (@jmac1422) on Oct 30, 2019 at 8:59am PDT

🏡 sweet 🏡@J_Mac1422 talks about lifting the 🏆 in Cary in front of #CourageCountry. pic.twitter.com/l64glnY3sC

— NWSL (@NWSL) November 1, 2019

On-field

Fierce
Super fast
Amazing goal scorer
Plays for North Carolina Courage

Off-field

Only USWNT player with a child (not for long though)
Amazing mom

Crystal Dunn

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2️⃣0️⃣1️⃣9️⃣ #19 already is a special number, but this will definitely be one of my most memorable years! 🏆🥇

A post shared by Crystal Dunn (@cdunn19) on Oct 28, 2019 at 6:53am PDT

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I'm definitely going to the gym with crystal just to watch her new gym dance 😂👯‍♀️ #crystaldunn #gymdance #grind #lol #northcarolina #nwsl #carolinacourage #uswnt #soccer #dancelessons #moves #bustdown #gains #legs #legday #heavyweight #thunderthighs #funnyvideo #dancingvideo

A post shared by @ uswntjitts on Aug 31, 2019 at 1:16pm PDT

On-field

Tough, hard-nosed player who hustles like crazy
Used to play in England for Chelsea
Currently plays for North Carolina Courage
Got injured in the final

Off-field

She's a riot
Naturally joyful person
Amazing dancer
Smart and intuitive

Allie Long

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Forgive me NY, for I have sinned. (for the 49,504 fans who showed up that was for you)

A post shared by Allie Long (@allie_long_) on Aug 30, 2019 at 11:49am PDT

On field:

Aggressive
Does a crazy flying bird thing when she scores
Plays for Reign FC

Off-field

Super funny
Can be chill/crazy
Screams forever when scared
Alex Morgan and Kelly O'Hara are her best friends

Tierna Davidson

On-field

Great defender
Great at kicking corners
Plays for Chicago Red Stars
Didn't play in the final or the friendly game because of an injury

Off-field

20 years old
Youngest on the team
Super sweet

Kelley O'Hara

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i want her to be playing so bad:(

A post shared by ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (@uswntbaesx) on Sep 8, 2019 at 5:46am PDT

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good day today y'all 😇

A post shared by ✌️ (@wosothorns17) on Nov 3, 2019 at 4:29pm PST

On-field

Most aggressive person on the team
Will do anything to get the ball
Plays for Utah Royals
Still has a hurt ankle

Off-field

Is Sonnett's mentor
Super hyper
Alex Morgan and Ali Long are her best friends
Kelly calls Alex Morgan "Janice" and is trying to get her to name her baby Janice Jr.

Julie Ertz

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They say home is where the 💚 is.

A post shared by U.S. Soccer WNT (@uswnt) on Aug 28, 2019 at 5:28pm PDT

On-field

A wall of muscle
Phenomenal at set pieces and dangerous with her headers
Super strong
Always gets up after getting fouled
Plays for Chicago Red Stars

Off-field

Married to Philadephia Eagles Tight End Zach Ertz
Her best friend is Crystal Dunn

Alyssa Naeher

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What a journey this has been. Words can't describe all the emotions. I wouldn't have wanted to go through this experience with anyone else! WE are World Champs! #23 🏆🇺🇸 #France2019

A post shared by Alyssa Naeher (@alyssanaeher) on Jul 8, 2019 at 4:24pm PDT

On-field

Played all the world cup
Defining moment when she saved the penalty kick in the semi-final vs England
Is still amazing but miiiight be slowing down a little
Plays for Chicago Red Stars

Off-field

Very focused
No funny business
Totally non-showy.

Ashlyn Harris

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LABOUR DAY!!!🇺🇸

A post shared by Tobin (@tobinheathisno1) on Sep 3, 2019 at 12:55am PDT

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🛑🛑🛑 @ashlynharris24 denies Abby Dahlkemper from the spot! #NCvORL #NWSL

A post shared by National Women's Soccer League (@nwsl) on Sep 14, 2019 at 5:11pm PDT

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🇫🇷🇺🇸🇦🇷👇🏻 . 🇫🇷 J'ai vraiment un gros coup de cœur sur cette photo !! . 🇺🇸 I really have a big crush on this photo !! . 🇦🇷 Estoy realmente enamorado de esta foto !! . #krashlyn #krashlynisreal #alikrieger #ashlynharris #loveislove #love #orlandopride #orlando #ussoccer #uswnt #nwsl #onenationoneteam #pride #florida #wedding #december #training

A post shared by Mrs Krieger Harris 🏳️‍🌈 (@aliash_kriegerharris) on Nov 6, 2019 at 12:28pm PST

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🦈 ANOTHA ONE 🦈 The Week 24 NWSL Save of the Week! #SKOPURP

A post shared by Orlando Pride (@orlpride) on Oct 1, 2019 at 10:16am PDT

On-field

Awesome goalie
Super aggressive
Plays for Orlando
Is crazy intimidating when she wears black

Off-field

ASHLYN HARRIS, BITCH! (She says this like Rick James)
Co-star of upcoming HBO show 'GirlStar"
Super confident
All tatted up
Doesn't care what anyone thinks
Always doing something
KRASHLYN
Best instagram page

Morgan Brian

On-field

Midfielder
Plays for Chicago Red Stars

Off-field

Super funny
*find video of her carrying boxes and then someone knocks them over
Is married

Adrianna Franch

Goalie
Strong, intentional, powerful keeper
Plays for Portland Thorns
2017 NWSL Goalkeeper of the year

Off-field

Grew up in Kansas
Deeply thoughtful
Utterly sincere
There's something so awesome about A.D. She's such a warrior in the net and low key one of the most amazing players on the team

NICKNAMES

Megan Rapinoe: Pinoe
Alex Morgan: Janice (by Kelley)
Tobin Heath: Tobs, Toby, and Harry (by Allie)
Christen Press: Pressy and CP
Emily Sonnett: Saucy Sonny, Dasani, Sonnet
Mal Pugh: pew pew
Lindsey Horan: THE GREAT HORAN
Carli Lloyd: Carlos
Sam Mewis: Sammy and Mewy
Ali Krieger: Kriegs
Jess McDonald: JMAC
Crystal Dunn: Dunny
Allie Long: Harry (by Tobin)
Tierna Davidson: T
Kelley O'Hara: Ms. Kelley, (by Sonnett) Worms or Wormy (by Alex)
Ashlyn Harris: Ash
Morgan Brian: Moe
Adrianna Franch: A.D.

Aaaaaaaand that's everything you need to know about the greatest team in human history. Follow them on social media. Cheer for them. Buy their jerseys. Watch their games. Back them in their fight for equal pay. They embody all of the hope of America's future, both on and off the field. The more you get to know the women of the USWNT, the more you love them.

Thanks for making it this far and I'll keep the updates coming as we near the Olympics!