Per their cruel and senseless annual tradition, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences roused a bunch of famouses and journalists before the buttcrack of dawn even occurred to deliver the 2020 Oscar nominees. The extremely charming duo of John Cho and Issa Rae announced this year's nominations, which included the usual assortment of surprises, both pleasant and otherwise.

The Oscars are pitting brother against brother in the race for best supporting actor, with Al Pacino and Joe Pesci both nominated for The Irishman, and literal brothers Randy Newman and Thomas Newman nominated for the 1917 and Marriage Story scores, respectively. Whether you love it or hate it (there can be no in between as these are the rules of The Internet), Joker cleaned up with the noms – including Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, you get it. Along with Joker, the Oscars really loved Marriage Story, 1917, The Irishman, and Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (you're damn right). Unfortunately, the Oscars must now be canceled because Uncut Gems received precisely zero nominations and the only thing that will rectify this egregious error is one (1) blood sacrifice and Parasite sweeping the rest of the categories (with apologies to Tarantino). 

Oh, speaking of which: Parasite was nominated for a whole bunch of Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Production Design. In other news, Cats did not receive any nominations, which means we will all be spared (forsaken?) a live performance of "Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer" with actors in full costume. And I guess we all need to watch The Two Popes now – the one on Netflix, not the thing on HBO with hot young pope Jude Law and wacky new pope John Malkovich.

This year's Oscars will air Sunday, February 9 on ABC. 

Best Picture
1917 
Ford v Ferrari 
The Irishman 
Jojo Rabbit 
Joker
Little Women
Marriage Story
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Parasite

Best Director

Bong Joon-ho, Parasite
Sam Mendes, 1917
Todd Phillips, Joker
Martin Scorsese, The Irishman
Quentin Tarantino, Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood

Best Actor
Antonio Banderas, Pain and Glory
Leonardo DiCaprio, Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood
Adam Driver, Marriage Story
Joaquin Phoenix, Joker
Jonathan Pryce, The Two Popes

Best Actress
Cynthia Erivo, Harriet
Scarlett Johansson, Marriage Story
Saoirse Ronan, Little Women
Charlize Theron, Bombshell
Renée Zellweger, Judy

Best Supporting Actress
Kathy Bates, Richard Jewell
Laura Dern, Marriage Story
Scarlett Johansson, Jojo Rabbit
Florence Pugh, Little Women
Margot Robbie, Bombshell

Best Supporting Actor
Tom Hanks, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Anthony Hopkins, The Two Popes
Al Pacino, The Irishman
Joe Pesci, The Irishman
Brad Pitt, Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood

International Feature Film
Corpus Christi (Poland)
Honeyland (North Macedonia)
Les Miserables (France)
Pain and Glory (Spain)
Parasite (South Korea)

Adapted Screenplay
The Irishman, Steven Zaillian
Jojo Rabbit, Taika Waititi
Joker, Todd Phillips and Scott Silver
Little Women, Greta Gerwig
The Two Popes, Anthony McCarten

Original Screenplay
1917, Sam Mendes and Krysty Wilson-Cairns
Knives Out, Rian Johnson
Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach
Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood, Quentin Tarantino
Parasite, Bong Joon-ho and Jin Won-han

Production Design
1917
The Irishman
Jojo Rabbit
Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood
Parasite

Film Editing
Ford v Ferrari, Andrew Buckland and Michael McCusker
The Irishman, Thelma Schoonmaker
Jojo Rabbit, Tom Eagles
Joker, Jeff Groth
Parasite, Jinmo Yang

Cinematography
1917, Roger Deakins
The Irishman, Rodrigo Prieto
Joker, Lawrence Sher
The Lighthouse, Jarin Blaschke
Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood, Robert Richardson

Visual Effects
1917
Avengers: Endgame
The Irishman
The Lion King
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Costume Design
Jojo Rabbit 
Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood 
The Irishman
Joker 
Little Women

Sound Mixing
1917
Ad Astra
Ford v Ferrari 
Joker 
Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood 

Sound Editing
1917
Ford v Ferrari 
Joker 
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Original Score
1917, Thomas Newman
Joker, Hildur Guðnadóttir
Little Women, Alexandre Desplat
Marriage Story, Randy Newman
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, John Williams 

Makeup and Hairstyling
1917
Bombshell
Joker
Judy
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil

Animated Feature Film
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World 
I Lost My Body 
Klaus 
Missing Link
Toy Story 4

Animated Short Film
Dcera (Daughter)
Hair Love
Kitbull
Memorable
Sister

Live-Action Short Film
Brotherhood
Nefta Football Club
The Neighbors’ Window
Saria
A Sister

Documentary Feature
American Factory
The Cave
The Edge of Democracy
For Sama
Honeyland

Documentary Short Subject
In the Absence
Learning to Skateboard in a Warzone (If You’re a Girl)
Life Overtakes Me
St. Louis Superman
Walk Run Cha-Cha

Original Song
"I Can't Let You Throw Yourself Away" – Randy Newman, Toy Story 4
"(I'm Gonna) Love Me Again" – Elton John and Bernie Taupin, Rocketman
"I'm Standing With You" – Diane Warren, Breakthrough
"Into the Unknown" – Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Frozen 2 
"Stand Up" – Joshuah Brian Campbell and Cynthia Erivo, Harriet