"I'm not offended, I just think you're not funny!" is something I scream at least once a week. Anyway. Related: Dave Chappelle, Shane Gillis, and other alleged victims would rather scold their critics than come up with fresh material. (The New Republic)

The Time When A Burning B-52 Nearly Caused A Nuclear Catastrophe "Worse than Chernobyl" (The Drive)

How Wi-Fi Almost Didn't Happen. 😲😲 (Wired)

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are in South Africa to kick off their royal tour, but just call them 'Harry & Meg', ok? (Celebitchy)

Also, if you want to see the outfits and dancing and the cute kiddos, the Fug Girls have you covered. (GFY)

This post makes a really good point: Stop trying so hard to have a hobby. (MEL Magazine)

I'mma take an educated guess and assume you want to look at pictures of Schitt's Creek on the Emmys Carpet, yes? (Lainey Gossip)

Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Trans Masculinity, Privilege, Channing Tatum. (Kill Your Darlings)

Apparently, there is an arrest warrant out for Andy Dick for allegedly groping an Uber driver. (Dlisted)

'People Actively Hate Us': Inside the Border Patrol's Morale Crisis. Elohfreakingel. (NYT)

Also at the NYT, The New Spiritual Consumerism. Here is an idea: How about we just stop shopping? I mean, I know. But still. Consumerism is killing this planet. (NYT)

How can I not follow that up with this from Greta Thunberg "People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction. And all you can talk about is money, and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you?" 🔥🔥 (The Cut)

A mice study has shown that dreaming helps the brain forget "excess" memories. How about I go to sleep for a year and you wake me up on November 4? (Smithsonian Mag)

Demi Moore has a tell-all about it, and in addition to confessing that she and Ashton Kutcher had threesomes and that Kutcher cheated on her, apparently, Kutcher was also concerned that his ex, January Jones, was sleeping with Demi's ex, Bruce Willis, while the two were working together on Bandits. When Demi Moore eventually asked January Jones about it, Jones said to her, "Are you serious? I told him a hundred times, I didn't want to f**k that old man!" (Just Jared)

It's Banned Books Week! Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel, Persepolis, was one of the most challenged books in 2013 and 2014. The book has been challenged for strong language and depictions of torture, but also as "Islamic literature." Leedock found it terrifying and heartwarming saying, "Satrapi does a fantastic job of balancing the normal confusion of adolescence with the high stakes of political unrest." Have you read Satrapi's account of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution? (Cannonball Read 11)

Good goddamned this is cynical and amazing. "When struggling, just make up a man."

View this post on Instagram

When struggling, just make up a man.

A post shared by Kameron Hurley (@kameronhurley) on Sep 22, 2019 at 12:56pm PDT

This is just plain amazing:

my vision board is just this photo 500 times pic.twitter.com/pOJdnUPx4f

— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) September 23, 2019