When the Great White Way’s up again and traffic’s backed to Pittsburgh again, Broadway will outshpritz the Milky Way again.

It’ll be stars such as award-winning actor Hugh Jackman, award-winning director Jerry Zaks, award-winning actress Sutton Foster, award-winning choreographer Warren Carlyle, award-winning designer Santo Loquasto, in what is sure to be the award-winning “The Music Man” revival.

Carlyle, who just did Jackman’s Madison Square Garden revue: “Our opening’s fortunately not now, so we’re not panicking because we’re scheduled for October.

“We’re just prepping as much as we can. Working the computer, working the phone, planning out whatever we can manage to rehearse. What else can you do?”

Born in Britain, where his mother still is, Carlyle’s dream was the USA. A patriotic American citizen, all he ever wanted was to live and work here. During today’s crisis, inside his apartment building, near the elevator, is a table for packages. Anonymously, he buys and places boxes of cereal, cans of soup, tins of food, packages of noodles — for the elderly or needy.

Forget Tonys for choreography. Warren Carlyle deserves a food award.

Please pay attention

Designer Joanna Mastroianni, who’s shown in Bergdorfs, Saks and dressed Margot Robbie, Beyoncé, is doing silk masks. We’ll strut streets in $400-a-yard French damask … Salting our madness, Katie Couric tweeted a redo of logos. United Airlines is now called “Divided.” Goodyear Tires? “Bad Year.” LinkedIn: “Linked Out.” Nike’s slogan: “Just Don’t Do It.” And Corona suds? “Need New Name Beer.”

Put US back to work

Savvy New Yorkers — because every New Yorker’s hip to everything — know that this world’s leading economic engine must reopen. America cannot shut its economy for months. Last week, not-to-be-named NYC types personally told DC:

People must eat, pay rent and bills. The government lacks resources to back everyone for months. After spending big trillions, the well will dry and can’t tax its way out since 60 percent unemployed will be unable to pay taxes. Safe or not, folks will start to work. Stop doing risk assessments because — soon — the risk of total economic collapse will prove greater than that of CV. That’s our economic problem. Unfortunately, these smartmouths do not possess the shazam to tell us how to handle our health problem.

Get serious

Sirius XM Radio, serious about maintaining employees in its Manila HQ call center, turned its 140 agents into a five-person team. That squad signed a special quarantined-at-work deal. No going home or seeing family until April 14.

The five answer limitless daily calls. Short lunch break. Evenings it’s a nearby hotel, paid for by Sirius, where meals — plus medical needs — are provided. Also a promise to underwrite all bills should any of the five contract CV.

Staying in touch

Jersey’s Peace Care facilities seniors are using iPads to reach family. They come from Fello, which supplies hardware to festivals and events. With that silent, the company gave its hardware to the elderly and frail.

At a discount.

Critical times

Critics Neil Rosen, Lisa Rosman, Mike Sargent, Bill McCuddy in pajamas doing their PBS show “Talking Pictures” from home. For us shut-ins, they’re reviewing crapola like Amazon’s “ZeroZeroZero” about cocaine, “The Stranger” on Netflix, which deals with blackmail, Cynthia Erivo in HBO’s horror job “The Outsider.”
Nice. Sweet. What could be lovelier than for all of us stuck at home.

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As blue-chip stocks turned white, we’ve become the nouveau poor. A seat on the Stock Exchange now comes with an airbag.

Oy, only in New York, kids, only in New York.