I can't stop talking about Tiger King, and I want to personally thank Netflix for releasing it last week in our hour of need. For seven glorious, bats*it-bananas hours, we got a glimpse into the terrible, f*cked up, meth-addled world of big cat people and I couldn't have been happier because I love trash, and Tiger King set a new standard for trash TV. It will be a long time before we see the likes of it again. That said, the inevitable series on the documentary is already being cast, and if you're like me, I'm sure you have some thoughts on who should play Joe Exotic, Carole Baskin, Doc Antle, and others. So let's dream cast this before Hollywood gets it wrong and puts George Clooney and Sandra Bullock in it.

Joe Exotic

I know there are a lot of names being floated around right now, but I can only see one person right for this role and it's Eddie Izzard.

He's about the same age as Joe Exotic. He plays camp very well, and they very much look alike, my friends. Cast Eddie Izzard as Joe Exotic, you cowards!!

Carole Baskin

This is kind of anti-climatic because Kate McKinnon has already been cast in the limited series, and I think she will nail Carole's voice and shark-eyes, but I probably would have cast Lisa Kudrow, because Lisa Kudrow was born to play this part. This random person on Twitter agrees.

lisa kudrow's entire career has been one long audition for the role of carole baskin

— Andrea Long Chu (@theorygurl) March 26, 2020

via GIPHY

(Tell me that gif isn't channeling some big-Carole Baskin vibes right there?!)

Doc Antle

In a perfect world, he would be played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, but as we all know the hellscape that is 2020 is far from a perfect world. During the very long conversation the Overlords had on Slack yesterday, Jodi strongly believes Jack Black is the man for the job. I'm not as sure because Doc f*cking murders tigers, and as much as I loved this trash show for the trash it was, I feel like someone far more menacing should play Doc than loveable Jack Black. So, since I can't have Hoffman, I'm going to go with Paul Giamatti, who plays evil a*shole very well.

via GIPHY

Joe's Husbands, Travis and John

If Pedro Pascal were 10 years younger, he'd be the obvious choice for Travis, but unfortunately, I don't think that will happen. So, barring that, I think Taylor Lautner could be an interesting choice for Travis, and Cam Gigandet would be an out-of-the-box choice for John. Yes, I know what you're thinking, they are both a part of the Twilight Saga. What's it to you?!

Cam:

via GIPHY

Taylor:

via GIPHY

Joe Exotic Employee

Look, I don't know who he needs to play, but someone needs to cast David Spade in this, solely based on Joe Dirt.

Maybe he could be the dude Joe hired off of Craigslist who was smoking a cigarette while he was pouring gasoline from one container to another?

I could spend all day dream-casting every single person in this show because I can (and would like to) spend all day talking about Tiger King. However, this is not my personal blog with an audience of one, it's Pajiba, baby! You might have some great choices of your own, and naturally, I would like to read them, because I only want to read Tiger King-related content for the time being. So, please, share your choices.