In case you missed it, hometown gal Meghan Markle and her husband have moved back to Los Angeles! Now, I know what you're thinking: "Kate, you live in Los Angeles, too! Surely you're going to run into them at some point yes?"

You're right on all of those accounts, friend. If I know one thing it's that if in the same city, Meghan Markle and I most definitely run in the same circles. So, if I am patient enough, I will eventually run into her.

Only I'm not patient and I don't really have the time to do it. See, I am nothing if not the master of good timing, and I'm leaving LA at the end of April to live my life somewhere else--so time is of the essence. Naturally, I cannot let this opportunity go to waste so I set out, post-haste, in order to find them.

Now, you may not know this, but, uh, there's some stuff going on in the world right now that makes leaving one's home a terrible and selfish idea, especially if the reason to leave your home is to go see a celebrity, and not for an essential service such as a medical appointment or grocery store run. Normally this would bum me out, but I happen to know that if you hold Meghan Markle in your heart like I do, you can run into her anywhere--so I set out to explore all 700 square feet of my home, hopefully that I would run into her. Stranger things have happened!

via GIPHY

So I did what you're supposed to do in this instance--I started playing "Truth Hurts" on repeat, got out my crystals, did an incantation, drank a bottle of wine, and waited for magic to happen.

Friends...I didn't have to wait long. Once I came to started to look, I was greeted with this beautiful sight!

She was here, and she brought her husband along with her! What a day! I barely had to get up off my couch, and I had summoned Meghan Markle. Wow!!

Pretty soon, I started seeing her frequently in my home:

...in weird places.

It became very unsettling.

I soon found out what is done cannot be undone, and despite frantic calls to my crystal dealer Sean, and my tarot guru Sean (not the same person) I saw Meghan Markle everywhere, and I mean, everywhere.

Even though I consider myself a friendly source to Meghan and her family, the cold realization of dread crept over me: we have hounded her so much, and even in her return to her hometown, she cannot live the quiet life. So she's giving us what we (thought) we need--unadulterated access to her and her family, in our own space, and now we, like her, cannot escape it. What had I done?!

Friends. I regret summoning Meghan Markle. I wish I hadn't and just stuck to my normal Sunday activities of playing "Truth Hurts" on repeat, getting out my crystals, doing an incantation, drinking a bottle of wine, and then watching Con Air, instead of looking for Meghan Markle.

It's too late for me now, I'm not sure what will happen to me, but it's not too late for you. Don't go searching for Meghan Markle. You won't like what happens when you find her, or perhaps better put, she finds you.

I'm scared.