Humbug! Yeah, I said it. Humbug. I never liked all the forced fanfare surrounding Christmas, where it felt like you had to put on a happy face just because. Christmas, for me, was always happiest when it was a slow amble down the stairs, a hot drink, and then a bunch of movies with your family, snuggled up with a dog or two on either side. A time of rest. None of the Pollyanna crap.

That’s why, this year, I rebuke—yes, REBUKE—the traditional white-bearded weirdo climbing down our chimneys, in favor of Robert Sheehan’s iconic role as Nathan Young—my true Santa. A Santa who isn’t afraid to have a good shag while on the job. In other words, the Christmas hero we need.