Father’s Day can be filled with tough emotions, but none more challenging than the first Father’s Day without your dad. Catherine Reitman’s father, Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman, passed away in February of this year. Reitman wrote about her father in a touching tribute in Variety, and reflected on her first Father’s Day without him.

Reitman writes, “If I were able to be with him on this Father’s Day, I’d express my appreciation for him. I’d absorb every moment. Ask one million questions that I was too narcissistic to ask before. I’d dance with him. Laugh with him. Hug him until he said, “Enough already,” laughing, though clearly fed up. I wouldn’t criticize his crappy diet, or waste time nagging him to drink more water. He didn’t die of dehydration, after all. I’d order us Chinese food and a couple of Diet Cokes and spend the afternoon floating happily in his company.”