Trump Didn’t Want to Go to Your Stupid Inauguration Anyway

January 08, 2021

Everyone. It is with a heavy heart that I inform you. That Donald J. Trump will not be at Joe Biden’s Inauguration.

To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 8, 2021

Thoughts and prayers.

Because like a jilted high schooler whose crush didn’t ask them to the big dance, Trump decided to respond to the “nobody asked you” question on whether or not he’d be at the Inauguration. Historically speaking, I guess it’s kinda a big deal since the last time this happened was back in 1869 with Andrew Johnson. Wow, look at that, Trump will at least join, checks notes, the THREE other presidents in history who have skipped out on Inauguration (John Adams and John Quincy Adams being the other two).

That’s a nice wilted corsage for the non-existent prom look Trump would’ve worn had he been going. Sadly, there will be no Fairy Godmother to turn a pumpkin into a carriage big enough for his unwarranted ego, no date to watch him descend down the stairs as Kiss Me plays by Sixpence None the Richer.

Because that’s exactly what his tweet feels like, like someone who sees they didn’t get invited to a party through Facebook and posts, “It’s fine, I didn’t wanna go anyway.” It’s fine. If he actually did go no one would pay him any mind.

Not only did no one ask if he would be there, we all already assumed he wouldn’t be. It’s not like he’s displayed any sort of grace during his entire time in office. What, I’m supposed to think that Mr. STOP THE COUNT was gonna watch someone else get sworn in?

Still, his tweet does give us something to cherish: the responses.

To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the medallion presentation ceremony on Yavin pic.twitter.com/LxoAgtZHkc

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 8, 2021

who cares if we didn’t get prom dates, we can have our own prom pic.twitter.com/5DRmFlm0JA

— Washington Post TikTok Guy 🗞 (@davejorgenson) January 8, 2021

“So MaNy oF yOu HaVe BeEn AsKiNg AbOuT mY sKiNcArE rOuTiNe.” 🥴 https://t.co/lPga3Rg0xZ

— Madeline Hill (@mad_hill) January 8, 2021

I think that’s probably best for everyone – you’d just have a tantrum and try and spoil it for him. Chances are, you might be in your new home by then… 😉 pic.twitter.com/TYa6z96kpg

— 🙋‍♀️ (@itsthevinster) January 8, 2021

actual photo of those who asked pic.twitter.com/z4Ned17b1k

— Liz Pavlovic (@keepcreepinon) January 8, 2021

You shouldn’t have attended the last one.

— Michael Marshall Smith (@ememess) January 8, 2021

how you hating from outside of the club 😩 https://t.co/rdnD34jTe4

— LB (@lnbshr) January 8, 2021

Will you still have a merch table? https://t.co/4iPaBnAOJh

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 8, 2021

Ah, well this is awkward, Mr. Oswalt, because if that merch is through Shopify, the answer is no.

Two weeks before his term ends, the president is being deplatformed. He’s indefinitely banned from Facebook and Instagram, his Twitter access is suspended and Shopify just shut down his campaign’s online store.

— Chris Megerian (@ChrisMegerian) January 7, 2021

No inauguration, Facebook, Instagram, OR merch table? Damn.