Will straight men ever stop owning themselves on the internet? From publicly admitting their lack of sexual prowess to forcing bean-based survival lessons on their children to melting down over their awesome girlfriends, these men can’t help but make asses of themselves online.

The results are alternately hilarious and horrifying, as we the public simultaneously mock these dudes and pity the women and children in their lives. The latest entry into the “straight men are not okay” inventory comes courtesy of Quillette editor Jonathan Kay, who realized that he’s been washing his hair with dog shampoo for several months:

so it turns out I've been using dog shampoo on my hair for the last few months. (I only discovered it when I ran out and needed to get more.) this is partly my own fault but it doesnt help that @ArmandHammer has the word "pets" in like 4-pt typeface. I'm guessing this is common pic.twitter.com/SHEaDrEW7J

— Jonathan Kay (@jonkay) January 31, 2021

Kay criticized the smaller type on the bottle that reads “for pets”, but Twitter users quickly called him out for ignoring the PICTURE OF A DOG squarely on the bottle. Kay doubled down with this stunning leap of logic, tweeting “Lots of shampoos i used in the past have pictures of waterfalls, or people cleaning dishes, or gauzily drawn women frolicking in pastures, or dudes under waterfalls with chests provocatively projected outwards, or whatever.”

"but Jon, is has a pic of a dog!"
doesn't mean anything. Lots of shampoos i used in the past have pictures of waterfalls, or people cleaning dishes, or gauzily drawn women frolicking in pastures, or dudes under waterfalls with chests provocatively projected outwards, or whatever

— Jonathan Kay (@jonkay) January 31, 2021

Oof magoof, where do I start? First off, if you’re using soap that features “people cleaning dishes” then congratulations, you’re shampooing your hair with Dawn. Second, I don’t know what shampoo Kay has been buying, but I have never and I mean NEVER seen a shampoo bottle that featured a bare-chested dude under a waterfall. Because if that shampoo existed, I would be using, AM I RIGHT LADIES? (I am not and would never).

Also, I’m baffled by the logistics of this. If you walk into any supermarket or drugstore, shampoo and conditioner is in its own section nowhere near pet supplies (where pet shampoo is shelved). You would have to go out of your way to grab dog shampoo thinking its human shampoo.

Now, an average Joe tweeting this mistake would be subject to jokes and mockery. But Jonathan Kay is no average Joe. The Quillette editor previously railed against “Identity-politics fundamentalists”, which led to him resigning as the editor of The Walrus.

Oh, another straight white man who feels censored by the centering of marginalized voices and mourns the death of “free speech” on an international platform?

Given his insufferable background, people were quick to dunk on Kay:

Jonathan Kay also surprised to discover that like his shampoo; the delicious lamb stew he's been eating for months at dinner is also for dogs. #cdnpoli pic.twitter.com/hrnwXlTDVV

— John Smith (son of Harry Leslie Smith) (@Harryslaststand) January 31, 2021

I have reactivated for a few hours just to remind you this individual who has admitted to using dog shampoo by mistake once said I would eventually be cancelled for accidentally using the wrong pronouns for someone & then he, and he alone, would be my friend. Have a blessed day. https://t.co/NTyac63rZs

— Irulan, Princess Royal, Bene Gesserit-trained (@Nicole_Cliffe) January 31, 2021

yeah before this i was buying a shampoo that just had a picture of a leprechaun eating cereal on the front of the bottle. the bottle was also a box which i didn't really get but they wouldn't put it on the shelf at CVS if it wasn't shampoo

— matt (@Lubchansky) January 31, 2021

May all your haters accidentally use dog shampoo pic.twitter.com/sEcpJer8Sl

— Aaron Reynolds (@aaronreynolds) January 31, 2021

I'm a little disappointed in all those arguing a bottle of dog shampoo would have a dog on it. This is precisely the kind of conventional thinking the heterodox voices at Quillette have dedicated themselves to challenging. https://t.co/DaALEk3Wd5

— Osita Nwanevu (@OsitaNwanevu) January 31, 2021

the minds at Quilette once again exploring dangerous ideas, like why there’s a picture of a dog on this shampoo that’s clearly for humans pic.twitter.com/NHawSh6xxW

— ska scholar (@CTWritePretty) January 31, 2021

People making fun of @jonkay today for using dog shampoo when they could be flaming him for his casual racism, or his Proud Boys-enabling support of Andy Ngo, or his anti-femism, or his untruthful runs at @ddale8, or his screeds against wokeness, or his use of dog shampoo

— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) January 31, 2021

Looking forward to the inevitable think-piece from Kay on how getting mocked online is weaponized cancel culture.

(featured image: screencap)

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The post Twitter LOLs at Quillette Editor for Washing His Hair With Dog Shampoo first appeared on The Mary Sue.