My dear Good Vibe Tribe, welcome back to Week 3 of Summer House. I need to start this week’s recap with an editorial note. Almost a correction, if you will. When I was watching last week’s episode, I had completely forgotten the very real fact that Hannah Berner has a boyfriend. A serious one. He’s a very handsome 44-year-old Irish comedian named Des Bishop. They’ve been officially dating since July of 2020. It’s a matter of public record.

This means Hannah and her boyfriend were dating throughout the entirety of filming for Season 5. Which is odd because she has yet to mention him. She doesn’t talk about him in her confessionals. We don’t see her calling him at night to check in. So far, there’s been no mention of him whatsoever. But if they were dating, it throws all this drama with Luke Gulbranson into question. I get a lot of what Hannah’s referencing has to do with last season and its aftermath. And her feelings are totally valid. But why does she care so much if she’s already moved on with someone else?

Furthermore, why isn’t Luke bringing this up as a counterpoint? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending him whatsoever. But he would certainly look like less of a gaslighting tool if he just said, “Hannah, you have a boyfriend! Why does this matter?” Which is something I can totally see Luke using as ammunition mid-argument. So the choice not to use that information seems…calculated? Definitely produced. It begs a lot of questions. Is this love triangle with Ciara Miller even real?

One thing that is real is the animosity brewing between Lindsay Hubbard and her boyfriend, Stephen Traversie. We’re not even a week in and HubbHouse is already sick and tired of Stravy’s constant requests to be served on a silver platter. All while he works at all hours of the day and night. Seriously, it’s after 10 p.m. and he’s already back at his computer, working away. In literally no surprise at all, this sets Lindsay off. She doesn’t feel her needs are being met, and now she’s looking for a fight. As the argument intensifies into a full-blown screaming match, Lindsay demands to know how many sandwiches her boyfriend has made for her. HOW MANY SANDWICHES, STRAVY? The answer is zero, and the result of Lindsay’s temper tantrum is that she gets to sleep in Danielle Olivera‘s room for the night.

The next morning, there’s a discernible chill in the house, with Hannah avoiding Luke and Stephen refusing to speak to Lindsay. Since it’s Monday morning, most of the roommates are back to working from home. Meanwhile, Ciara‘s still reeling from finding herself in the middle of a love triangle with nothing to do but lounge poolside in her bikini. (Listen, she just spent several months working non-stop in the ER during the height of the coronavirus pandemic. Girl deserves the break.) And Carl Radke‘s not complaining. He’s more interested in appreciating the eye candy than reliving the previous night’s drama, anyway.

While a shirtless Luke FaceTimes his parents from Minnesota in the backyard, Lindsay interrupts Danielle‘s hyper-scheduled workday to vent some more about Stephen. Doing her job as a BFF, Danielle dutifully points out that everyone in the house can sense the tension between the couple. Mostly because they’re screaming at each other at all hours of the night. Lindsay surmises that quarantine has taken a serious toll on their relationship. But if your relationship only works because you’re relying on New York nightlife and can’t be alone together, I’d say that’s a pretty serious red flag…The other girls in the house see it too. They’re even making bets about how much longer Lindsay and Stravy are going to last in front of Bravo’s cameras.

The work day ends, but neither cold war shows signs of a thaw. Luke‘s managed to build the workbench for his burgeoning jewelry business in the backyard, and Stravy‘s barely said two words to Lindsay all day. While a sober Carl rounds up everyone’s takeout orders for Mexican night, Hannah brushes past Luke without a word. Via confessional, Luke claims to be “so glad” he never slept with Hannah because the fallout from an actual break-up would be even worse than this. I don’t know about that, though. Could it really get more awkward between these two?

Just as dinner arrives, Stephen calls a detente and pulls Lindsay outside for a heart-to-heart. In the kitchen, Danielle‘s not impressed with the constant rollercoaster of drama, and isn’t shy about making her feelings known to the group. She certainly doesn’t seem 100 percent supportive of her bestie’s relationship. Or even 50 percent, really. But she tells the roommates that Lindsay knows exactly how she feels, so what else is there to say?

Well, if you’re Lindsay and Stravy, the answer is…a lot. They’re both still angry, and what started as a calm talk quickly devolves into the same old argument. Talk of love languages and expectations and needs are being hurled back and forth. But underneath what’s actually being said, it becomes increasingly clear that Stravy had no interest in filming this season of Summer House. He did it for Lindsay. So they wouldn’t be forced apart for six weeks while she filmed in quarantine. (I.e. the way Paige DeSorbo chose to escape her increasingly floundering relationship with Perry Rahbar.) But he’s really there to actually work. Not be a Bravolebrity.

Kyle Cooke points to Lindsay‘s seasons-long habit of sabotaging her relationships. And he’s not wrong. Roll footage! There was Everett Weston in Season 1. (Though to be fair, that was sort of equally toxic on both sides.) Last season there was her finger-bang with Carl. And her subsequently ill-advised attempt at dating him. And now there’s Stravy and the sandwiches. Like Amanda Batula says, if things weren’t working between the two in quarantine, what made them think it would get any better in the Summer House? Eventually, they come to an agreement and make up. But it’s mostly because Carl interrupts to let them know their Mexican food is getting cold. I’ll just say it: this relationship is doomed.

The next day is filled with more work. Paige is busy being a fashion influencer to distract herself from the fact that Perry wants her to move to Miami with him for six months after filming wraps. Kyle and Amanda are fulfilling orders of Loverboy merch. (I don’t drink, but even I’ve been tempted to order a Loverboy sweatshirt during my many online shopping binges during quarantine…) And Lindsay may or may not have gotten a makeup finger-bang the night before? Meanwhile, Luke is starting to worry that his drama with Hannah is going to affect his chances of rekindling things with Ciara.

So, during a dinner organized once again by Carl (who’s become the de facto house dad, sorry Kyle!), he decides it’s time to rip the band-aid off and talk things out with Hannah. She clearly doesn’t want to have the conversation, but it’s happening. Luke claims he regrets making Hannah cry, but insists he came into the house this season thinking they were “just friends.” Hannah clearly felt otherwise and had some residual feelings. She fires back that Luke’s only now calling her his friend to make himself feel better for leading her on. For. An. Entire. Year. Neither can agree on whether they ever put a label on their not-quite-relationship.

Eventually, the conversation once again gets heated. And the fact is that no one but the two of them will really know what was said in private during the off-season. But either way, Hannah announces she can never look at Luke the same way again. Whatever bond they had has been forever tainted by how he’s treated her since the moment he stepped into the house this summer. For his part, Luke fires back that Hannah only tells people what she wants them to hear. So she’d say one thing to him and then make their relationship out to be a completely different thing to Paige and Amanda (and, by extension, the cameras.) But when Hannah won’t let Luke gaslight her and minimize her feelings for a second time. So she storms off in tears with Luke once again yelling after her that she’s not living in reality.

And just like that, the house falls along a gender divide with Luke venting to the guys and the girls comforting Hannah. (I will say, the boys vs. girls mentality is one thing that can occasionally bother me about the dynamic of the house. But only in cases like this.) Interestingly, Ciara in particular is ready to provide Hannah a shoulder to cry on. The nurse doesn’t like this new side she’s seeing of Luke. What with him raising his voice and making Hannah out to be the crazy one in basically every conversation they have. Hmm…maybe the newbie is more of a girl’s girl than she thought after all! And Luke may be ruining his chances with her all on his own…

TELL US – DOES HANNAH’S OFF-SCREEN BOYFRIEND MAKE YOU THINK TWICE ABOUT HER SUMMER HOUSE DRAMA WITH LUKE? ARE YOU TEAM LINDSAY OR TEAM STRAVY IN THE GREAT SANDWICH DEBATE? DO YOU BELIEVE LUKE SAID HE WANTED TO JUST BE FRIENDS OR DO YOU THINK, AS HANNAH CLAIMS, HE DIDN’T WANT TO PUT A LABEL ON IT?

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

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